I’m John C. Calhoun, and I love the South,
the Senator from South Cakalak, reppin’ the South.
They don’t know me in the North, but they try to play me, states’ rights best thing since grits n’ gravy.
I believe firmly in the goodness of slavery.
Northerners who hate it, I think they have rabies.
Never before have Africans been so civilized,
never before have they found the Lord, Jesus Christ.
Northerners don’t pay workers enough to eat,
we don’t pay slaves, at least they have a place to sleep.
We must maintain the status quo for whites and blacks
‘cause if we ever let them free, they’re going to attack! Dred Scott decision was right, what belongs to me,
whether slave or mule, is my property.
We’re chivalrous but don’t mess with us, abolitionists,
we’ll cane you on the Senate floor.
We won’t take no or maybe,
We’re gonna end this slavery…
I’m not sure I agree with Howard Zinn that, “This is an extraordinary teaching tool for the next generation”, but it sure is hilarious.