Charlie Sheen Gives Civil War Midterm Exam

Well, not really.  But if anyone out there is looking to integrate some of the more bizarre Charlie Sheen quotes into your Civil War midterm exam you may want to check Professor Nicolas Proctor’s test.  From the NoLeftTurns: The Ashbrook Center Blog

For my American Civil War midterm, the extra credit was a set of Charlie Sheen quotations. Students could match up to ten of them to appropriate Civil War leaders in particular circumstances. They then had to provide a brief explanation for each match. So, for example, a good answer for #10 would be: “Grant after the fall of Forts Henry and Donalson.” Similarly, a good answer for #5 could be “Forrest while raiding in central Tennessee.”

  1. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
  2. I don’t sleep; I wait.
  3. “Can’t” is the cancer of “happen.”
  4. I’m a high priest Vatican warlock.
  5. I have one speed; I have one gear: GO!
  6. They’re the best at what they do. I’m the best at what I do, and it is ON!
  7. I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don’t think people are ready for the message that I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
  8. I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it.
  9. That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
  10. I’m bi-winning. I win here. I win there.
  11. Life comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
  12. Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.
  13. Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there’s no manual, no training course.
  14. Here’s the good news. If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m okay with it. I’m not dangerous insane.
  15. I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.

CraterThanks for reading this post. Scroll down, leave a comment and join the conversation if you are so inclined. Follow me on Twitter and join the Civil War Memory Facebook group for continuous updates and additional links to newsworthy items from around the interwebs. Stay up to date by subscribing to this blog’s feed. You can also check out my recently published book, Remembering the Battle of the Crater: War as Murder.

6 comments… add one

  • Richard Oct 19, 2011

    This could be fun

    4 Leonidus Polk, moving troops into Kentucky
    5 Stonewall, Valley Campaign
    6 Grant, taking on Lee’s army in 1864
    12 Sherman, March to the Sea
    15 Lincoln, after Emancipation Proclamation

  • Ray O'Hara Oct 19, 2011

    1 a} Henry Nelson Hunt, Chief of Artillery AoP
    1b} E.P Alexander, Artillery brigade Commander ANV.

    2} Nathan Bedford Forrest , always ready, always aware and ready to pounce on the unwary.

    3} Edwin P Stanton, when taking the XIth and XIIth corps from the AoP and getting on trains and shipped to Tn where they detrained 5 days later ready to relive Chattanooga,

    4} the ever egoistical PGT Beauregard

    5} Ulysses S Grant, a man always ready and most likely already on the move, and always forward.

    6} Jeb Stuart boasting to the ladies of Richmond at a cottilionthey were holding for the officers of the ANV.

    7} Sherman talking about his famed March to the Sea.

    8} Jackson writing Lee as he took position at the unfinished RR near Manassas

    9} Jeff Davis trying to justify his own treason.{actually it is essentially something Teddy Roosevelt wrote in a St Louis News Paper}

    10}Grant again, talking about the Western and Eastern Theaters,

    • Ray O'Hara Oct 19, 2011

      11} Lincoln putting off a nosy Congressman

      12} Lil’Mac in a letter to he dearest Ellen before departing for Ft Monroe and the York Pennisula

      13} George Armstrong Custer in a rare moment of self reflection. it quickly passed.

      14} bR Bragg, in a rare moment of self reflection. it quickly passed.

      15} Charles Sumner, talking of Preston Brooks.

      two posts because I must have accidentally hit send prematurely

  • Al Mackey Oct 19, 2011

    I like McClellan for #13 and Sherman for #14

  • James Bain Oct 20, 2011

    1. Nathaniel Banks, Shenandoah Valley, 1862
    4. McClellan, on the Penninsula
    7. Jackson, on the relationship between himself and the Stonewall Brigade (and maybe everyone else, too)
    8. Hooker, sitting on the front porch of the Chancellor Mansion, “The Night Before”
    11. Albert Sidney Johnston, night of April 5, 1862
    12. John Pope, first draft of introductory address to Army of Virginia
    15. John Pope, approaching Manassas

  • John Buchanan Oct 24, 2011

    1. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.
    Henry Halleck on the way to Corinth, 1862

    2. I don’t sleep; I wait.
    Stonewall Jackson, The Valley 62, redux White Oak Swamp 1862

    3. “Can’t” is the cancer of “happen.”
    Henry Haupt…looking at any rail line after a visit by Confederate raiders

    4. I’m a high priest Vatican warlock.
    Rosecrans at the prayer session the night before Stones River.

    5. I have one speed; I have one gear: GO!
    Phil Sheridan, The Valley 1864; redux Petersburg, April 1865

    6. They’re the best at what they do. I’m the best at what I do, and it is ON!
    Custer screaming across at Wade Hampton’s Brigade, afternoon 3 Jul 63.
    7. I think my passion is misinterpreted as anger sometimes. And I don’t think people are ready for the message that I’m delivering, and delivering with a sense of violent love.
    Edmund Ruffin, Charleston Harbor, April 1861 redux June 1865

    8. I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it.
    Burnside, Fredericksburg 62, waiting on the pontoons.

    9. That we are to stand by the President right or wrong is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.
    Clement Vallandigham, 1 May 1863

    10. I’m bi-winning. I win here. I win there.
    Longstreet, Chickamauga, SEP 63 referring back to 2d Manassas (foggetting that entire Gettysburg thing).

    11. Life comes down to a few moments. This is one of them.
    Abraham Lincoln, first draft of the opening of what became the Gettysburg Address, 1863

    12. Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh.
    David Porter, Vicksburg, morning of 17 April 63

    13. Fame is empowering. My mistake was that I thought I would instinctively know how to handle it. But there’s no manual, no training course.
    John C. Fremont, summer 1862

    14. Here’s the good news. If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m okay with it. I’m not dangerous insane.
    Cump Sherman, 1861

    15. I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.
    John Brown, Pottawotamie Creek, 24 – 25 May 56

Leave a Comment